Episode 50: Growth Is Uncomfortable

Hi beautiful souls ♡

Today’s episode is one that sits really close to my heart and I feel really passionate about. It is all about how growth is inevitably uncomfortable, but rewarding.

Moments of true growth are actually the most uncomfortable, but that’s really where the healing really happens. Growth doesn’t happen when you stay in your comfort zone, or when you ignore your wounds and pretend that everything is okay.

(1:52) Growth doesn’t just happen by only repeating positive affirmations and journaling.You may be a little surprised because as you may know, I advocate so much for positive affirmations and journaling. And I still do, I still love doing this and I do this myself. I’m all for affirmations and journaling. In fact, affirmations have played a really huge part in my healing journey and they’ve helped me to reprogram my subconscious beliefs. Even right now I have affirmations written next to my bed.

(02:33) However, doing affirmations on its own isn’t going to be what really makes you grow. The biggest part of growth comes from taking action by putting yourself in situations that are uncomfortable and automatically tend to avoid. Growth happens when you shift, change and transform your life for the better by letting go of repeating old patterns and lovingly put yourself in a situation that you need to face head on, instead of brushing it off. So growth truly happens when you seek discomfort and stand up to the challenges in life.

(03:17) Here are some examples of what growth can look like. I’m sharing these examples so you may relate to some of these, and you may see how some of these play out in your life. This episode is really about bringing you awareness of how you can grow more and create tangible outcomes that result in changes in your life.

(03:43) Maybe you want to call in a healthy relationship. Maybe you want to manifest your dream house, or maybe you want to stop feeling guilty for receiving abundance and truly, truly live the life of your dreams. Whatever it is, the only way we can truly make these shifts for the better in our life is by putting ourselves in uncomfortable situations. This uncomfortable feeling is only temporary, it may only last a few seconds or maybe a few minutes. And that’s it. That’s all you need, to face just a few seconds or moments of being uncomfortable, and it’s going to give you so much reward in return. 

(04:26) Growth can look like:

  1. Speaking up and creating potential conflict with someone rather than avoiding conflict forever like you used to.
  2. Having a difficult conversation with someone rather than hold in resentment. Maybe there’s a colleague who’d said something that triggered you and rather than always holding in something against that colleague and creating resentment, you actually go up to them, and  communicate lovingly that what they said triggered you. It is a difficult conversation, but it’s going to be so worth it.
  3. Talking to the person sitting next to you or waiting in the line in front of you, rather than fearing judgment and blaming yourself for weak social skills and therefore, not making any new friends in your life. So going up to talk to that person can feel really scary, maybe you feel that you’re a bit awkward. But this is just your own belief. And the only way to get over this awkwardness is that you actually go up to the person and talk to them. That’s the only way you can overcome this.
  4. Meeting new people for potential friendships, despite having been rejected and bullied in the past. It’s totally understandable that if you are rejected, or maybe abused in a relationship in the past, that you may have lost trust in people. That’s totally understandable and I really empathize with you. However, it is through continuously being open to trusting people again, and meeting new people, being open to friendships, that you can regain trust in people again.
  5. Letting go of chasing someone who is unavailable, despite you still having a crush and falling for their potential rather than who they really are.
  6. Eating a slice of cake that you really want to have, despite you feeling that your worth comes from how your body looks.
  7. Saying no to someone and setting a boundary rather than a fall into the old pattern of people pleasing. Saying no, and really expressing and communicating this boundary is true growth rather than holding everything back in and continuously people pleasing.
  8. Putting yourself online, because maybe you want to grow your personal brand or a YouTube channel, despite having received negative judgment in the past. Growth happens when you continue to put yourself out there, regardless of what others may say.
  9. Being open to and accepting criticism rather than shutting down when someone gives you feedback. Because maybe your old belief and pattern is that if someone gives you feedback, then you’re not good enough. Growth happens when you accept this feedback and know that it doesn’t reflect your worth, and that you are still good enough It is simply feedback and is not personal to you.

(08:16) To open up and be really vulnerable with you, all these examples I just mentioned are things that I have faced myself, and some I continue to face and grow through, especially when it comes to dealing with conflict and my social skills. I used to label myself as an introvert. I used to think I was really awkward when meeting new people. These beliefs held me back from reaching out to new friendships and making friends. I really realized recently that these beliefs are no longer serving me and I’ve got to shift them. I’ve got to actually go out meet new people to actually make me friends.

(09:06) I think one of the greatest areas of growth I’ve been through since coming to Bali in January this year is really realizing and acknowledging where I currently am with making new friends, and the limiting beliefs I have around women friendships. 

(09:29) Most of the time I’ve been in Bali I held back from meeting other new people, because I feared rejection. I thought I was awkward. I thought that I wasn’t good enough for new friendships. I thought that other women may compete and I didn’t want to be surrounded by that type of energy. So these limiting beliefs really held me back. But recently I started to do more uncomfortable things where I started to reach out to women around Bali. I went to meetups, and that was super uncomfortable for me. I really put myself in more of these situations so that I could connect with more women and make new friends.  

(10:17) Leading up to the girls’ meetup, I felt so anxious and nervous, and I tend to feel this way before social gatherings. However, through seeking that discomfort, I went to that social gathering and I felt great afterwards. So healing isn’t always linear. When you put yourself in an uncomfortable situation, you may feel like you’re going a bit down. But when you do tap into the bravery already inside of you, and do the uncomfortable thing – the very thing that your ego is threatened by – your healing will become exponential after that. 

(11:01) When you heal, when you shift old patterns, and create new ones that are supportive for you, this means that you’re going to create more positive changes in your life, you’re going to be able to create a secure attachment and create healthy, long lasting relationships, and embody self-love that will allow you to attract better into your life.

(14:20) This episode was actually inspired by something I went through last night. Last night, my boyfriend brought to my awareness that I need to work on communicating more clearly – my feelings and my thoughts, and I agree. I’m so grateful that my boyfriend Josh, he always brings out the best in me.

(15:04) Before, my natural tendency, (and sometimes it still happens, and it comes from my old attachment style and fear of abandonment) is to close off and avoid communicating my thoughts or my triggers too much. My old way of believing I could receive love is by “being the good girl” and not being “too much” for others, and this meant that I wouldn’t speak too much. I’d hold everything in because I wanted to be the good girl. Even though I’ve come a long way from this, it still comes up every now and then. It’s through my awareness that I continue to heal and shift from this. I’m no longer running on autopilot. 

(16:04) Last night, I practiced being open, firstly to this kind of feedback from my boyfriend rather than shutting down to it like I used to. In the past, if someone gave me feedback or constructive criticism, I used to just completely shut down, because I interpreted it as I’m not good enough. But now I know that this feedback is actually really important and it doesn’t mean I am not good enough. I also practiced speaking my truth about something and even though it was super uncomfortable at first, it only made our relationship even stronger. What my brain, my ego was fearing – being abandoned and unloved for being my true self – did not happen and our relationship is stronger than ever, because we continue to do the inner work. We are open to doing this. This is a conscious relationship. 

(Related: Keys To A Healthy Relationship, Confidence & Emotional Availability w/ The Health Hunk)

 We all are works in progress. Ask yourself: how can you put yourself in an uncomfortable situation this week? How can you allow yourself to grow? The uncomfortable parts of growth that we experience aren’t always seen by others, because we only tend to see what someone else has achieved on the outside.

(18:40) It doesn’t mean that this inner work isn’t important. Actually, this inner work we do is what matters the most on our journey of growth. The moment you stop running on autopilot, and instead become conscious of your reactions, and shift into behavior that will support your growth, this is when you really transform. Being a conscious and mature person is knowing that you are always a work in progress and you still take responsibility for your life. As I mentioned before, do something out of your comfort zone. I want you to write it down, whether it’s in your phone notes or your journal, do something out of your comfort zone this week.

I know that I tend to attract empaths to my podcast and to our beautiful community, and a lot of you are sensitive as well. A lot of you are just like me and it’s quite really quite amazing. So maybe a challenge you can put yourself up to this week is to reach out to someone and make friends with someone new if you want to call in new friendships, or have difficult conversations with someone that you’ve been meaning to have, but you’re putting off because you’re afraid of their reaction. Do something like that. Don’t be afraid of this conflict. Because there’s a really famous quote that I love, and it goes along the lines of “pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional”. So this discomfort you’re going to put yourself into, it’s inevitable. Know that it only will last a few seconds or minutes, but if you continue to put that off, that is suffering and it is optional. You don’t have to make yourself suffer.

You are doing an amazing job already and it’s not about trying to be perfect. We are all imperfectly perfect already, it’s just about shifting what you need to and being responsible for your life, not focusing on trying to fix everything at once. In fact, you don’t even need fixing. You’re already whole and complete. We just all have areas to heal, we all have wounds and that’s okay. It is okay to be where you are right now.  Continue to do the inner work to shift for your own good, for your own transformation, so you can create the life of your dreams.

I hope that this was valuable for you, and if it resonated with you, I’d love to hear your takeaways below on the comments section.

Sending lots of love and keep shining your light,

Jasmine

xxx

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