Hi beautiful souls!
If you have been listening to any of my podcasts or watching my videos on YouTube, you may have heard me say the word ‘boundary’ a lot.
Learning to set boundaries is something I had to work on through my own journey of growth and healing. Coming from a background of people pleasing, I never knew what a boundary was until a few years ago, and incorporating this into my life was a game changer.
Boundaries are guidelines that show how we want to be treated in relationships, and how we value ourselves.
They are about protecting your energy, wellbeing and mental health.
Boundaries also allow us to fill up our own cup and put your needs first, so we can show up as the best version of ourselves.
Our ability to set boundaries stems from our childhood conditioning. If you grew up with a parent who put everyone else before themselves, you may have modelled this behaviour too. If you were told growing up that it’s selfish to have needs, you may now think boundaries aren’t important. If you were only praised for certain behaviour as a child and was told to be a ‘good girl’, you may be a people pleaser as an adult and find it very difficult to set boundaries. If you were bullied, you may find it hard now to be assertive and confidently stand up for yourself. If you had to betray yourself to receive love in childhood, you may now still be betraying your needs.
You can begin to heal, forgive and let go of your past childhood conditioning through inner child healing. Listen to “Ep 34: Why Inner Child Healing Will Change Your Life” here.
Boundaries is often a topic that comes up for my clients too, and I always firstly remind them that it is normal and human to have trouble with setting boundaries. While past events may have affected how strong your boundaries are, you still have the ability to change your reality from now onwards.
Last week, I noticed that I wasn’t feeling in alignment as I normally do, and my mental health wasn’t the best.
On one particular day, my soul was calling out for some rest time to write, with no phone. To just write things out and let everything pour out of me.
I went to a beautiful and tranquil café perched on a cliff side, overlooking the ocean, and as I sat there presently with my notepad in front of me, it suddenly came that I needed to rewrite my personal boundaries.
After making this list, I instantly felt more in alignment again, and since committing to honouring this list it has had an amazing benefit to my wellbeing and mental health.
Here I’ll be sharing what I wrote on my list, which I split into two categories.
‘Non-negotiable’ are the things that I will honour no matter what.
‘Important’ are the things that I will honour as best as I can.
My Personal Boundaries
- No social media for at least one hour after waking
- Eating a nourishing meal
- Reading or listening to podcast for 20 minutes
- Complete most important work task before using social media
- No phone after 9:30pm
- Write down “success list” before bed
- Prayer and gratitude before bed
- Not responding to calls or texts while working
- 10 minutes of meditation after waking
- Read affirmations after waking
- Create one thing
- Exercise for at least 30 minutes
I hope this post today inspires you to write down your personal boundaries, so you can gain more clarity on how you want to honour yourself.
Your mental health is vital to your quality of life, and you deserve to feel good.
I encourage you to not make the list too long or overwhelming. A few key boundaries work best, and over time the more you get used to your boundaries, you can add more too.
If you aren’t used to setting boundaries, I know it can be terrifying at first. It can feel scary to say “no” to someone, but remember that it doesn’t make you selfish.
What is your story around setting boundaries? Do you believe that it will push people away, and you’ll be left alone? Do you think people will get angry at you?
Get clear on what stories you are holding on to, and ask yourself, “is this true?”. Maybe you did push someone away after setting a boundary once, but what I can say is that a healthy relationship will never require you to abandon yourself. A healthy relationship honours your boundaries, and you will only push away the people who aren’t meant for you. Take some time to rewrite your new story. Maybe it’s: “The better I set boundaries, the more I feel confident.”
Comment below some of your new personal boundaries, and let’s inspire each other!